Where have I been? 3/2/14

I don't even know where to begin this post! I feel awful that I have been away from blogging but sometimes life happens and you have to step away and deal with some reality. That's what I was doing, dealing with some major reality. I had been feeling so buried under life that I couldn't write. I don't think that even wanted to see the word in front of my face because the weight was just so intrusive. Without going into too much details we will put it this way. I was expecting a good some of money and then I lost it. I am not going to disclose the exact amount because what is a good some of money to someone might be small or larger to someone else. Anyway, when I was on the phone and learned of this news, I hung up, snaking, with the sickest feeling in the world and I literally became physically sick. We were depending on this money to catch up on bills, pay rent, handle the majority of our finical problems. We had plans to get new beds for the kids and even be able to paint a few rooms of the house. Point is is that we really thought it was a guarantee. Well, it would have been had I had not had an outstanding student loan. They took the entire refund. I know that this is totally my fault for not taking care of it sooner, I can't make an excuse for myself except for some really stupid choices. Look, I'm human, I make mistakes. Believe me I am really learning something here, and I feel bad that something like this had to happen for our eyes to be opened on how we handle our finances. But this give us a rare opportunity to get on top of things again. It is going to be hard, but there hasn't been very many easy roads for us as it is. This gives us a chance to grow and become stronger and in a weird way has brought my husband and I closer together. Not at first though. We are a young couple and sometimes there are still moments of immaturity. I won't deny that, I am a work in progress, and I make mistakes. We placed the blame game for a awhile, but I think that we weren't ready to be mad that the people who really caused this mess in the first place. It was US. Not one or the other. I think it was easier to put the blame on the other person rather than on ourselves. BUT once we were honest with each and placed blame where it rightly belonged, it made us face the reality together. So yeah for the past few weeks we have been trying to dig out of the mess we made for ourselves. You know that this is the time that kids decided to be extra bad. I just had to deal with the fact that I found out that my 10 year old left a very colorful comment on a youtube video under my husbands account. Oh and the snowplow backed into my mailbox, luckily I saw him do it, but I had to catch him when he came back down the street. When I confronted him he said "Well it is still standing" Let me take the time to tell you what the mailbox looked like at this point. I has a post that reminds me of siding material then the metal box and a small post with a knob on top of the mailbox. At this point the whole post what ripped open and twisted and my mailbox was drooping down and to the left alittle. So the guy jumps out and looks at it and says "Hey that's broke." I was stunned. He said that he couldn't do anything right now because of the snow but that he would fix it. Then he got back into his truck and drove off. He never took my name or phone number or anything so i called the city service department and that then know about the incident. This was last Wednesday. Fast forward to today... My dad is sitting in the living room visiting with me and the kids and I hear the plow go by which reminds me to tell him about the mailbox. I asked him "Hey, did you notice my mailbox?" And I look out the window.... there is my mailbox laying in the front yard with mail in the snow. I gasped and said "They hit again!" I went outside and here is the big salt truck. It stops, the guy rolls down the window and IT'S THE SAME GUY!! He says "Oh I'll fix that tomorrow!" and drives away leaving me holding my soggy mail and heavy mailbox and top piece of the post, wearing my boots and robe because I found that faster than my coat. Yeah, it's been a long couple of weeks! I hope to get back on a normal schedule again but who knows what life will throw at me! I'm sure that I have many lessons to learn and I am willing to learn them but sometimes they can be hard ones!