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Monday, March 3, 2014
Mommy Mondays - 3/3/14 Somedays you just don't feel like doing it
(image courtesy of antpkr/freedigitalphotos.net)
I'm going to have a moment of honesty with you right now. Some days you just don't want to do it. Some days you just wan to throw in the towel. You wake hounded by "Can we have breakfast!" Followed by the baby telling you to "Change my butt!" and then it turns into fighting between the two middle children. Then is then followed by some teeth pulling to get them to sit and do school. Just when you think you get a break you hear "Is it lunch time at yet?" It just keeps going, and as moms we can feel spread too thin. With all the stress that has been going on I now that my fuse is shorter than normal. (not that I had a long fuse to begin with!) I know that I have been alttle extra hard on the kids and I feel bad about it. The one morning I woke up and I just was feeling totally convicted. I felt like God was bombarding me with all the things that I need to be working on.This was a day after I felt like throwing in the towel. I had been doing all of the things that I had told the kids not to do. I wasn't controlling my temper, I wasn't using loving words, I just wanted to be miserable and because I was miserable I made the children miserable and in turn they became miserable as well. Job well done mom! I felt awful the next day. Something needed to change. I was viewing my children as an enemy of sorts. I am not one who handles change well. I can't make huge leaps and bounds in one day, so I decided to start small. I decided to sincerely hug each child everyday. The first day I did I really got hit with reality. I went to hug my daughter Natalie, who is 9, and as I went to hug her she shrugged her shoulders and looked at me and said "What's wrong??!" I couldn't believe that she felt something had to be wrong for me to hug her. When I hugged my 10 year old son her got a huge grin on his face and I knew he felt the love in my hug. It wasn't a quick hug before bed it was meaningful. I took that little extra time to tell him I love him. Day 2: Natalie is more receptive of the hug. I catch my 10 year old coming in the house so I stop him to give him a hug. I couldn't believe how great I was feeling from just hugging them sincerely! I told him that I missed how we used to hug.It didn't used to be this way, he was my buddy. He is such an amazing son, and such a wonderful big brother! He says to me "Yeah well you are usually angry all the time." He didn't say it snidely, or cruelly, he said it, well he said it sadly. It broke my heart and I vowed that this would end. Is that how my children really see me? I'm not really angry all the time, alot of the time I am just frustrated but maybe my frustrated face is the same as my angry face. The time while they are little is short and it flies by so stop what you are doing and hug those angels. We do what we do because we love them, they need us and we need them. We need to cherish these moments because a time will come where my boys will be embarrassed by me when I hug them, and that's fine, but until that day comes I will cherish the innocence they still have and cherish their unconditional love.